A grey day...

Sigh... so bored. I am supposed to be working, and I just can't focus. He is in South America right now. I know that I have been trying to distance myself lately, but, it is so hard. I miss him. And, I am afraid that I might be losing him. It has, after all, been years. Part of me wishes that he would see this, and know that it is about him. Know how much I care about him. Begin to see how much I have sacrificed for him. Nearly ten years of my life... I don't mean to give the wrong impression, though - I mean, I don't mean to just complain. I suppose that, for him, it is natural that as I get older, I become less desirable in a sense. I mean, there are always younger girls out there. Really.

I know this likely sounds ridiculous, over the top, impossible. And yet, it is my reality. None of my friends really know, a few suspect that something is up. Oh, alright. I have one friend that knows. But she is sworn to secrecy :) I am sure you are wondering how a young girl could fall into such a mess. Believe it or not, it was actually far worse BEFORE I met him! I suppose I would be better off without him in my life, without worrying about his children or his wife catching us out on the town, or running into colleagues of his when we are overseas. I suppose it would be better, if I could just wake up from this half-dream and move on with my life.